Part II of Another Edition of This ‘n’ That

Another thing that happened in Jane’s Domain in the past week is that Vince and I got our first COVID immunization.

 

Apparently, some people didn’t show up for their shot and the pharmacy didn’t want them to go to waste. So we beat feet and made it in time to snag the last couple they had available on Tuesday.

 

We’re grateful – especially since I know some people have had a difficult time getting an appointment.

 

I had my injection in my left arm since I’m right handed and Vince had his in his right arm since he’s left handed.

 

We thought that was a smart move…until we realized that my left arm is the one I fell on recently when I slipped on the ice. And Vince? Well, he has been having some trouble with his shoulder. Yes, his right shoulder.

 

Guess you could say we’re a hot mess over here!

 

The first night was fine other than some pain we both experienced at the injection site. We’d heard that would probably happen, so we expected it. And, truthfully, when I saw Vince get his shot I wasn’t surprised. Man, that needle seemed to go in deep!

 

Oh, and maybe it didn’t help when I rolled over in my sleep and whacked Vince smack dab in the upper arm. When he yelped, I woke up and apologized all over myself. Oops!

 

In the morning he was still complaining about the pain, so I must have really gotten him good.

 

Later that second day, though, I was the one who was doing the complaining. OMG. I had chills, I had a low grade fever. And I felt awful.

 

So I covered up in a bajillion blankets and tried to sleep for a bit.

 

The next day I still had muscle and joint pain and a major headache. Frankly, I felt like I did when I had COVID in December.

 

But by Friday, I was fine.  

 

Vince didn’t have as bad a reaction as I did, although he did feel a bit badly the second day. But by Friday, he was fine, too.

 

The nurse who gave us the immunization had told us that people who had COVID within a few months of getting the immunization had more incidents of this sort of reaction after the first shot.

 

So we did. But we’re doing well now.

 

And hopefully as more people get immunized, we’ll start to see our world returning to normal. (Whatever that is.)  I mean, I’d seriously love to ditch the face mask one of these years!

 

Ditzy Blonde, Senior Moment or COVID brain. You Decide.

If you read my last blog, you know that Vince and I have been recovering from COVID-19. We thank you all for the get-well comments, prayers and well wishes you sent.

And, while I’m not going to say that we’re 100% recovered yet, we are nearly there. I, for one, get pretty tired after walking the dog and doing other physical activity.

Like emptying the trash. Or watering the plants.

Okay, so I’m pretty much kidding on those. But we were both completely winded and worn out the other day from packing up all the Christmas decorations and hauling the heavy bins upstairs to the attic.

On the other hand, I was probably a little winded hauling the heavy bins downstairs in late November to decorate for Christmas. And that was pre-COVID.

Sheesh. I really need this virus to go away so I can get back to the gym and work out without wearing a mask!

So while there was very little to laugh about while we were sick, there were a few humorous things that happened to me while I was dealing with this virus.

Call it COVID brain, or ditzy blonde or senior moment – or maybe all three – but I did have a few duh situations.

Like one day when I was upstairs working on the computer. I was trying to finish something in between naps – and I needed to set a timer. I kept asking “Alexa” on my phone to set a timer for 20 minutes.

But she refused to comply. After about the third time asking, I got a little peeved and raised my voice to ask once again.

And that’s when I heard – very faintly from downstairs – “Okay, timer set for 20 minutes.”

Oops.

Apparently I couldn’t remember the difference between “Hey Siri” on my iPhone and “Alexa” on our Amazon Echo Show.

(Do you see me rolling my eyes and shaking my head?)

Another time I was tasked with walking Maggie even though I was feeling pretty rotten.  Since Vince was feeling pretty rotten himself, but the dog still needed to do her business, we took turns.

Because it was so cold and rainy out, I put on one of Maggie’s little jackets over her harness vest. There are two D-rings attached to the harness – and those attach to the leash. Except that only one of the D-rings fit through the opening in the jacket.  We’ve hooked her up this way many times before, so I didn’t think anything of it. I clipped her leash to the one D-ring and off we went.

Immediately I saw her nemesis from another neighborhood being led down the street past our house, so I hurriedly turned and walked Maggie the other way down the cul-de-sac. I really wasn’t up for the crazy dog barking that would ensue if Maggie saw him.

By the way, we have no idea what Maggie has against this little guy, but she goes absolutely bonkers whenever she sees him.

Anyway, there we were walking along minding our own business when suddenly I had the leash in my hand…but the other end was not attached to Maggie. The D-ring had somehow separated from the harness and Maggie was trotting along completely unaware that she was untethered.

Believe me, if she had known, she would’ve taken off like a shot. This is not a well-behaved dog when it comes to her freedom in the great outdoors.

But I tried to remain calm and I hurried along behind her so she’d think she was still attached to the leash. When she stopped to take a quick squat, I reached down and scooped her up.

Ha! Way to outsmart a 10 pound dog, Jane! But in my defense, I really didn’t think I was up for a Maggie on the Run incident right about then.

Oh, and by the way, I waited to scoop her up until AFTER she was done squatting. I was neither blonde nor senior enough – and I didn’t have a completely muddled COVID brain to know that I needed to let her conclude her business.

The last incident happened toward the end of our home confinement. We had placed a grocery order for pick-up – and I was planning to ride to the store with Vince so a store clerk could put the bags in our trunk.

Major outing, huh?

But as it was the first time in over a month that I was going to leave the house, I decided to slap on a little face paint.

It was like a little celebration for me – put on a bit of blush. Some undereye cover-up. Maybe even a little eyeliner and lipstick. You know – so I could feel almost normal again.

Anyway, I had just sat down in front of my makeup mirror. I spun my rotating makeup organizer to the section that holds my cover-up, pulled the one out that has a spongy tipped wand. I was feeling too lazy to actually get out a makeup brush and dab from one of the little pots of cover-up.

So I swept the wand under my eye…and then looked at myself in the mirror in horror. I had just taken a mascara wand and swiped black mascara underneath my right eye.

I looked like a football player about to go out and pound on the opposing team. All I needed to finish the look…well, besides swiping mascara underneath my left eye for a matching set…was a helmet and some shoulder pads.

At that moment, I thought to myself that I should take a picture of my idiot move, but given that the mascara was waterproof, I knew I needed to remove it. Stat.

So that’s what I did – the whole time shaking my head and laughing at myself.

And then I promptly returned the mascara to the Mascara and Eyeliner Section in the organizer and wondered who could have put it in the wrong section? Not me, certainly, as I’m perfect.  Must’ve been one of the cats getting her revenge over our bringing a dog into the house.

Yeah, I’d believe one of the cats did it before I’d admit that I’m not perfect.

Heh heh. (There I go again – being a ditzy blonde, having a senior moment AND showing my COVID brain…!)

Maybe I need a nap. Yeah, that’s it.

Let’s just hope I don’t fall out of bed or something else equally as goofy!

An Edition of This 'n' That

It’s the middle of August and it’s hot out there. I start to take Maggie out for her walk and about 20 seconds into it, we’re both panting with our tongues hanging out in desperate need of some H20 to cool us down. 

Maggie too pooped to stand and drink!

Fortunately, I don’t mimic her and hunker down on the ground to lap water out of a bowl. 

It’s not pretty. And I’m a little crankier than usual these days. 

So I’ve been trying to stay inside in the A/C and chill. Ha ha. Get it? Chill?! 

(Hey, I just got back from our latest walk and this is the best I can do.) 

I haven’t been enjoying watching the news or looking at social media much these days; people are so divisive and the political rhetoric is out of control. 

One person posts an opinion – and all hell breaks loose as people bash others for their opinions. Fights ensue. Long-time friendships are shattered. People are unfriended left and right. 

I’m weary of the fighting. 

Adding to this is the whole COVID-19 thing. We’re still in the midst of it. Some people believe it’s all a big scam. Others are fervent in their belief that we should all don masks and continue to socially distance ourselves. I suppose the biggest factor that might change one’s opinion is if they have a loved one who has either fought off this illness – or who has succumbed to it. 

So what I’ve been doing instead is trying to find ways to entertain myself. Sometimes I’m easily amused and other times? Well, it takes a little more effort. 

There is a game app that I play frequently called Trivia Crack. Have you heard of it? If you like trivia, I recommend it. 

However, I was playing the other day – just a random game with a random person – and I realized the questions were very definitely not in English. 

Somehow when I started the game, I inadvertently changed the language from English to Dutch. 

I don’t speak Dutch. (Shocking, I know.) 

But I didn’t see any way to change the language back to something I might halfway recognize, so I continued to play the game. I figured it would be a quick loss since I had no clue what the questions – or the answers might be. 

Strangely enough, I ended up winning – 6 to 0. How? You ask. I haven’t a clue. Apparently I’m very good at guessing. 

Well, except for the one question – something about Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – and I clearly recognized the word “Beatles” as one of the answers. Yay, me. 

So the win was a small thing – but it made me smile and I was entertained for a moment. 

Another weird thing happened one day last week. I was sitting at my desk in the kitchen working on a “patio music playlist” when Vince came in and asked Alexa to play some music. 

I was scrolling through some of my songs and came across something called “Worth It” by Fifth Harmony. I didn’t recognize the song and, frankly, wasn’t sure I recognized the group who sings it – so I started to play a snippet on my phone. 

At precisely that moment, the exact same song started playing on our Echo Show. The Exact. Same. Song. 

It was a little freaky. 

Mostly because (a) I didn’t know I even had the song in my library and (b) I wouldn’t think it was a song that is frequently played on whatever discs Alexa was spinning. 

So those are just a couple things that have been going on that I’ve found interesting. (I guess these would fit under the “doesn’t take much to entertain me” category! 

I hope you are entertained this weekend and do something fun. 

No divisiveness allowed, okay?

Goin' Hog Wild

So what is a person to do when most of their summer activities have been cancelled due to COVID-19?  Sit at home and twiddle their thumbs?

Yeah, pretty much. Although the art of thumb twiddling has probably given way to thumb texting on smart phones. Which is a little different, I suppose.

Anyway. This year there are no swimming pools, no beach getaways, no summer concerts or big cookouts or summertime gatherings.

I didn’t realize how much I looked forward to all these activities until they weren’t open and available.

Every August, my friend Sue and I spend an entire day at the Ohio State Fair.  We walk from the back of the fair to the front and take in all the sights and sounds. We shop at some of our favorite vendors. We marvel over the annual butter sculpture and take the requisite

2019 Ohio State Fair Butter Sculpture

photos.

And, because Susan goes completely bonkers over any and all animals, we have to stop in and see the bunnies and chickens and cows.

We eat our favorite fair foods and drink frosty cold Lemon Shake-ups. And then, before we head to the exit, we make a final stop and top it all off with a funnel cake sprinkled liberally with oh-so-messy powdered sugar.

We’re pretty much in hog heaven all day long – and it’s something we look forward to all year long.

But this year the Ohio State Fair has been cancelled and I was sad to miss out on our annual visit.

So when Sue invited me to go with her to a small Madison County Jr. fair the other day, I jumped at the chance.

2020 Butter Sculpture?!

Yeah, I know. This is what extreme boredom will do to a person.

There were no rides or vendors. There were no butter sculptures. And there was mask wearing and social distancing going on.

But there were a few food trucks and we were thrilled that one of them sold funnel cakes.  We were in hog heaven!

Uh, maybe literally.

Because we sat down to share the funnel cake in a small arena where a “Swine Showmanship” event took place.

I had no clue what this sort of event was and I was fascinated as these kids competed with their pigs tapping on them with a stick left and right as they waddled around a dirt-filled ring. (The swine were waddling, that is…not the kids.)

There were as few as six swine in the ring – to as many as nine at any one time.  And there was but one judge who had the difficult job deciding last place to first place finishers.

I had no clue what was happening – and I couldn’t tell who was winning and who was losing.

So – because we were ignorant of the finer nuances of the competition, Sue and I took to making bad puns and jokes.

Sue started it, though. When the first group came out into the ring with pigs meandering around in no coherent manner that we could discern, Sue said it looked like they were trying to herd a pack of wild kittens.

And then I said something about one of the pigs going hog wild because he wasn’t following his handler’s directions.

Hey, trust me - we did the eye rolling thing at ourselves and at each other, too, so no worries.

Plus, it only deteriorated from there, so I’ll spare you the details.

But at least we had fun. And we really did have mad respect for all those kids who had spent the better part of a year raising their pig and training it for this competition.

So we finished our funnel cake and wiped off every last bit of powdered sugar before putting our masks back on to head back to the car.

And, while it couldn’t possibly compare to the Ohio State Fair, we had a great time.

After all, that’s what counts – right?

And hopefully next year life will return to normal (I’m being optimistic). When we can once again take photos of the butter sculpture and drink Lemon Shake-Ups and eat some delicious fair food and end the day with a funnel cake with powdered sugar.

So even if your weekend doesn’t include watching a swine competition, I wish you lots of fun and happiness in whatever you do.

 

It's Not Business as Usual-Not by a Long Shot

I’ve written several blogs in the past week…but haven’t posted any.

It just seems disrespectful during these tumultuous times.

I want to smile and laugh. I’d love to be carefree. And I’d like to make other people smile if I could. But it’s nearly impossible to get back to business as usual.

Because nothing about life right now is business as usual.

Covid-19 is still a “thing” – even though it seems to have been pushed to the bottom of the page. Yet I still must wear a mask when I go to the grocery store. And I still cannot visit my mom inside her memory care unit, put my arms around her and tell her I love her.

Other events have come to the forefront that prevent business as usual.

If you’re like me, you are horrified, saddened and angered by the senseless killing of George Floyd. I don’t think I will ever get the image out of my head of now-fired and charged police officer, Derek Chauvin, with his hand in his pocket, kneeling on Floyd’s neck while Floyd begs to be let up so he can breathe.

Kneeling on a man’s neck with his hand in his pocket just screams nonchalance to me. As if it were no big deal.

Oh, but it was a very big deal.

Since that time, social media has been drowning us with videos, memes and commentaries.

Some are heartening to see: peaceful protesters waving placards reading “Black Lives Matter.” Operative word in that sentence: “peaceful.”

I watched a video last night that made me cry. The police (don’t ask me where) were holding a line and the protesters were standing almost face to face with the officers.

I worried as I was watching that violence was going to ensue. But suddenly, I saw officers putting out their hands to shake the hands of the protesters. And then there were hugs on both sides of the line. It was a lovely image that I wished were the case in every city protest.

But then I’ve also seen videos that made me cry for a different reason – the video out of Buffalo, NY, where an elderly man was shoved by an officer in riot gear enforcing a curfew. The sight of the man on the ground bleeding from his ear was absolutely horrifying.

And I pray that he recovers with no ill effects.

Did the officer mean to shove the man so hard he fell and was injured? What could the protester possibly have said to cause such a reaction?

I don’t know – and I don’t really care.

It is 2020. There are cameras everywhere. What actions may have been hidden in the past and covered up with lies are now exposed with every cell phone camera video.

So our actions have consequences. Even if we didn’t mean it. Or didn’t mean for things to go so far.

We can’t blanket statement anything these days – and we shouldn’t. There are good people and bad people. There are good, courageous men and women who put on that blue uniform every day to keep us safe.

Just as there are those who don’t deserve to wear that uniform.

There are good citizens of every creed and color. And there are bad people of the same.

What we must do is hold ourselves – and our officials – accountable. Which, to me, is what the protests are about. And I applaud that.

What I don’t applaud is the violence or the rioting or the looting or the senseless destruction of property and burning of buildings.

How does this help? How can it possibly help?

I just read that a friend of mine in Cleveland was attacked, pistol whipped and his car stolen in a random act of violence during this turbulent time. I’m grateful he is going to be all right, but he is hurting right now – in both body and soul.

And for that, I’m sorry.

I wish I could make things better. I wish I had a solution and could magically make people treat each other right. Where we could all live together in peace.

Where mothers would never have to sit with their children of color and give them “the talk” – the one where they have to tell them how to behave if they are ever pulled over or stopped by the police.

And I think of those fresh-faced, beautiful children and I hope that by the time they are adults, the world will be a little better and they won’t have to fear being held down on the ground with a knee on their neck as they beg for breath.

So, no. Nothing about life right now is “business as usual.”

And that’s the point.

Quarantine 15?

In the past week, Vince and I have planted flowers, dug tree roots out of the ground, and pulled weeds. I also helped him with his latest Farmer Brown scheme of building a raised bed in which to grow vegetables this summer.

This, as you may know, is wayyy more diggin’ in the dirt than I prefer.

Frankly, I’d prefer to keep my hands as far away from the dirt as possible. Like if I never had to touch a rake or trowel again, I’d be perfectly fulfilled and happy.

But when the neighbors’ dogs head straight for your yard to chew on the weeds for their daily doggie salad, well, you bite the bullet and start diggin’ and pullin’.

Despite these dirty, sweaty efforts, I find myself woefully unprepared for the summer.

Why?

Well, because I fear I have joined the ranks of those who have gained the Quarantine 15. You know – those fifteen extra pounds that creep up when you can’t get to the gym to work off all that comfort food you’ve been consuming over the past several stay-at-home coronavirus months.

Sure, walking Maggie Minx five or six times a day is helpful. And lifting and dumping 25 lb. bags of dirt into the raised bed in the 90 degree heat has to count as some sort of exercise. Doesn’t it?

But when I put on my favorite summer parrot shirt and it’s a little snug around the waist when I button it, well, that does not make for a happy me.

I guess it’s a good thing Farmer Vince is planting vegetables.

And it’s a really good thing I don’t know how to bake bread.

One of the biggest complaints we had during the height of the shelter-in-place order was that we couldn’t stick with the fresh vegetables and daily salads that we’d previously enjoyed. Only going to the store every couple weeks precluded having fresh lettuce and veggies on hand.

The other thing that was a little disconcerting during this time was that we found ourselves purchasing comfort foods like chips and cookies and cheese and bread. These are items we had pretty much eschewed while we have been living a healthier lifestyle the past couple years.

So I say it’s time to get back to that healthier lifestyle. Besides, I’m getting a little sick of the junk food, believe it or not.

Now we just need those homegrown veggies to hurry up and grow.

Bring on the salads – and I don’t mean the doggy salads in our flower bed!

How May We Be of Service Today?

So it’s Day 296 of the COVID-19 pandemic and we’re still shelter-social-distancing-in-place. I’m channeling my 9-year-old inner child and hoping everyone keeps their cooties far away from me.

What’s that? We’re nowhere close to the 296 day mark? You gotta be kiddin’ me, pal! (Now I’m channeling my old friend, Mrs. B!)

This stayin’ at home thing is a wee bit harder than I thought it would be.

But to keep myself occupied I’ve tried to find a few ways to be of service.

Some people – like my talented seamstress cousin – are sewing masks for hospital

and front-line workers. Some people are helping out their elderly neighbors by picking up food and supplies so the more vulnerable among us don’t have to risk their health.

And some people – like me – are trying to plant a few smiles.

I’ve been sending out cheery cards and newsy notes by the truckload. I’ve even sent cards to people I don’t know. I figured there must be residents in the assisted living/ memory care facility who are alone and lonely during this lockdown. So I’ve sent out cards to hopefully bring a smile to their face. At the very least, it might give them something to puzzle over:now just who is this Jane person and why is she sending me a card?

One day last week I was out at Big Lots and I was inspired to pick up a big yellow Easter basket. And then I quickly walked through the store filling it with treats for the residents at my mom’s memory care.

While I was at it, I also purchased some non-perishable food items and paper products for the staff at mom’s facility. Some of the workers there don’t get home until late and are having a difficult time finding the staples they need.

So Parkside sent out a note to our community asking for donations to their “pantry.” I happily filled a few bags, although – alas – I was unable to provide any of those much-sought-after packages of Charmin’.

But I felt good being able to do something to help.

And then a couple days ago a neighbor asked if we’d be willing to make twenty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as a part of a church effort to feed the homeless. Normally, the group provides about 100 of these lunches, but the need has substantially increased so they were looking for 1000 bags.

So she put the word out and several neighbors stepped up to the PB&J plate, as it were.

While a thousand lunches sounds a tad bit overwhelming, twenty was nothin’ – so Vince and I got to work. We had an assembly line going the likes of which would have made Henry Ford himself proud. Well, if Henry Ford had needed an assembly line to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, that is.

We filled the paper bags and brought them over to our neighbor to distribute the next day.

And we went to bed that night feeling like we’d made a tiny little difference in someone’s life. Even if it was just for that one meal.

It’s never a bad thing to be of service to one another. And maybe we can even keep this effort going once our lives return to normal.  

In the meantime, I’ll be asking that question more frequently: how may I be of service today?

I Shall Pass This Way But Once

Every so often Vince meets up with some buddies for a little male bonding over a glass of scotch and a cigar. Or two.

This gives me a little “Jane Time,” which is equally as important. I may head over to mom’s place for a visit. Or I might run some errands. Or I’ll have my own catch-up time with friends.

Obviously, none of those things are options right now in the midst of this coronavirus pandemic.

Or are they?

Vince’s friend Steve suggested today that they all get together via Zoom – so Vince is out on the patio enjoying the sunshine and warmth while drinking a glass of scotch and smoking a cigar – and talking and laughing with his friends.

That’s simply awesome.

I just love the creativity I’m seeing right now both in talent and ideas. Musicians are singing and playing for us online. The funny memes are out of control. And there are an awful lot of TikTok and Facebook Live videos being posted that are everything from the silly to the sublime.

But even better - families are taking walks together and friends are gathering in the street (albeit 6’ apart). I even saw a creative way some girlfriends got together by parking their vehicles in a semi-circle and sitting in their open trunks to hang out together and laugh.

I think we are all rediscovering the important things in life. Like life itself. And treasuring the time we get to spend with people we care about.

And maybe when this is all over and we are once again able to eat a meal in a restaurant or watch a game on the TV at a sports bar or gather together for, well, any reason at all, we will not take these things for granted.

When I was a kid I had a favorite saying. Don’t ask me where I came across it back then – but I can still remember it today. Maybe not word for word (as I’m old), but pretty close. I didn’t even know who the author was until I just now looked it up on Google. It’s by Etienne De Grellet (or Stephen Grellet – Wikipedia being what it is). But it reads:

I shall pass this way but once; any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

Good words to live by. Especially now.

Wishing you all a happy (and especially) healthy Sunday.

It's a Ponytail Kinda Day

I have to admit this self-quarantine thing is getting to me a teeny tiny bit. Vince and I have gotten a little snippy with each other a time or two over whose turn it is to make breakfast.

I’m sick of all the provisions in our fridge for sustenance and would love to pick something off a menu that someone else prepares (and, most importantly, cleans up after we’re finished eating).

And who could have predicted that walking the dog for the sixth time would end up being the highlight of my day?

Not me, that’s for sure.

The benefit of staying at home other than a rare trip to the grocery store is that I haven’t felt the need to put on makeup most days. Makes my nighttime cleansing routine a whole lot easier, that’s for sure.

I used to be the person who would never be seen in public without being fully coiffed and made up. I remember my parents used to tease me when we’d vacation at their cottage in Cape Cod because I couldn’t leave to go deep sea fishing until I had applied my waterproof mascara and lip gloss.

Like the cod cared.

And then a couple things happened – 1) I got older and I wasn’t as concerned about my looks, 2) I got married and every once in a while Vince would ask if it could be a “ponytail” kind of day to head out to the stores. This was his shorthand for asking me not to take a shower to wash, dry and style my hair and apply makeup, which would delay us at least another hour.

But, most significantly, 3) happened. Which was we got a dog. And lemme just tell you – ain’t no way I’m getting fully coiffed first thing in the morning to take Maggie Minx on her potty walk.

So I’m not as fastidious as I once was. But I also haven’t turned in my Sephora frequent shopper card either.

Yesterday, my book club met via Zoom. We’re all a bit, uh, older and we didn’t want to tempt the virus gods by meeting in person. We didn’t get as in-depth about the book as we might have under normal circumstances – and we also didn’t get to partake in the yummy treats the hostess planned for the meeting – but I’ve gotta give us props for trying something new.

However, before we started our video group chat, I made sure my hair was fixed and my makeup carefully applied. I’m not sure it mattered because I really couldn’t see anyone else that clearly to know if they had done the same thing. All I knew is that I felt presentable.

So I’m okay with that.

But today it’s back to being a ponytail kinda day. And I’m okay with that, too.

And I’ll be glad once my ponytail kind of days are less standard operating procedure and more every once in a while. Then I’ll know we’ve turned the corner.

So for now, I’m just hoping everyone I know and love is being as socially distant as possible so they can take care of themselves and stay healthy.

Feel free to make it a ponytail kinda day.

Oh, For the Love of T.P.

So it’s an interesting time here on Planet Earth these days with the Coronavirus – or COVID-19, if you don’t want to confuse the latest scourge with a beer frequently served with a lime wedge.

How people can confuse the two is a mystery to me.

But whatever.

Schools and events are being cancelled left and right. We look on in horror every time we witness someone cough or sneeze. And staples are flying off the shelves at every grocery, discount and warehouse store around.

But the worst thing is store shelves are bereft of toilet paper. And it’s getting to me.

No, not because I want to mimic the masses and hoard it like everyone else seems to be doing.

It’s, well, it’s because “toilet paper” was on my shopping list.

And now I can’t cross it off my list.

Whenever we open the last pack of t.p. and distribute it amongst our bathrooms here at home, I add it to my list for our next Costco shopping trip.

This is a system that has worked well for many years and I am happy to report we have never had any sort of dire toilet paper emergency.

There are only two of us here, so it’s not like we’re using case quantities of the stuff. I may only purchase the humongous Costco package two or three times a year.

So it’s an interesting phenomenon that I am not sure I’ve witnessed before.

I mean, I don’t live in an area where hurricanes or earthquakes necessitate the panicked purchases of bottled water, batteries and potato chips.

And I think the last time I scurried to the grocery store in anticipation of a major snowstorm was in 2008 when I was single and had no food at the house. So picking up enough supplies to get me through the few days I was snowed in was warranted.

Oh, and who am I kidding? I’m sure at the top of my “Emergency List” was wine.

So walking through Costco the other day and not being able to purchase one humongous package of toilet paper was disappointing.

And then later seeing the empty stretch of shelving in the paper products aisle at Kroger was almost alarming.

When I got home, I accessed the CDC website to review the symptoms of COVID-19. I mean, did I miss the part about the virus causing intestinal, er, disturbances requiring an extra supply of toilet paper?

No, no I did not miss that part.

So what is the deal, people?

         

Stop it. Stop with the panic. Stop with the hoarding. Be sensible. Wash your hands. Cover your face when you cough or sneeze.

As for me, well, I will be counting down the days ‘til things are back to normal and I can cross toilet paper off my shopping list without causing panic and mayhem.

It just better be before we’re down to the last roll.