Oh, For the Love of T.P.

So it’s an interesting time here on Planet Earth these days with the Coronavirus – or COVID-19, if you don’t want to confuse the latest scourge with a beer frequently served with a lime wedge.

How people can confuse the two is a mystery to me.

But whatever.

Schools and events are being cancelled left and right. We look on in horror every time we witness someone cough or sneeze. And staples are flying off the shelves at every grocery, discount and warehouse store around.

But the worst thing is store shelves are bereft of toilet paper. And it’s getting to me.

No, not because I want to mimic the masses and hoard it like everyone else seems to be doing.

It’s, well, it’s because “toilet paper” was on my shopping list.

And now I can’t cross it off my list.

Whenever we open the last pack of t.p. and distribute it amongst our bathrooms here at home, I add it to my list for our next Costco shopping trip.

This is a system that has worked well for many years and I am happy to report we have never had any sort of dire toilet paper emergency.

There are only two of us here, so it’s not like we’re using case quantities of the stuff. I may only purchase the humongous Costco package two or three times a year.

So it’s an interesting phenomenon that I am not sure I’ve witnessed before.

I mean, I don’t live in an area where hurricanes or earthquakes necessitate the panicked purchases of bottled water, batteries and potato chips.

And I think the last time I scurried to the grocery store in anticipation of a major snowstorm was in 2008 when I was single and had no food at the house. So picking up enough supplies to get me through the few days I was snowed in was warranted.

Oh, and who am I kidding? I’m sure at the top of my “Emergency List” was wine.

So walking through Costco the other day and not being able to purchase one humongous package of toilet paper was disappointing.

And then later seeing the empty stretch of shelving in the paper products aisle at Kroger was almost alarming.

When I got home, I accessed the CDC website to review the symptoms of COVID-19. I mean, did I miss the part about the virus causing intestinal, er, disturbances requiring an extra supply of toilet paper?

No, no I did not miss that part.

So what is the deal, people?

         

Stop it. Stop with the panic. Stop with the hoarding. Be sensible. Wash your hands. Cover your face when you cough or sneeze.

As for me, well, I will be counting down the days ‘til things are back to normal and I can cross toilet paper off my shopping list without causing panic and mayhem.

It just better be before we’re down to the last roll.