Friendships as We Age. Part II.

A couple of weeks ago I had breakfast with a friend. We started talking about friendships and she described an article she had read (or maybe it was a podcast she listened to) about how difficult it is for older people to develop true friendships. That when you’re young, it’s easy to make friends.

 

Think about it – when you’re young, you meet kids in school and you become friends. Sometimes they’re lifelong friends and sometimes they may be just your friend from the third-grade.

 

But several things need to happen to make friendships “stick.” Some of these are: 1) shared interests or common ground, 2) continuity and consistency, and 3) similar priorities.

 

Kids are all in the same environment – they’re relatively the same age, they have school all day and homework to do and tests to study for. They’re all in the same boat, so to speak. They consistently see the same group of people every day for months at a time – long enough to build on budding friendships. And they may play the same sports after school or get together for play dates or birthday parties. So they’re together long enough to know who they want to become friends with.

 

Also, kids are in the same “stage” of life – they don’t have differing priorities. They need to discover how to diagram a sentence or learn the definition of photosynthesis. They don’t have spouses at home and they don’t have bills to pay. (And if they did, that would be a little creepy…)

 

Anyway, this is why it is sometimes difficult to build true friendships with workmates. Even though you are in the same proximity day in and day out, you need all the other elements to work together.

 

You can be friends at work and even meet for dinners or happy hours to unwind after the workweek, but if one goes home to a spouse and kids and the other goes to a quiet apartment, they’re in different life stages and may not develop true friendships.

 

Also, when one person leaves the company, they don’t have that same day-to-day interaction and their friendship may fizzle out.

 

Notice I’m using a lot of “mays” and “sometimes” here. There are occasions when true friendships are built with a workmate after only a few short months. It depends on the people and it depends on the circumstances.

 

This is where I’ve been lucky. I was in vastly different life stages than some of my work friends. Some of them were older, had kids, were married and had to deal with helping their children with their homework and putting dinner on the table. I, on the other hand, was single with few responsibilities other than to feed my cat once in a while.

 

Fortunately, I worked in a department where we enjoyed each other’s company and we had many outside activities, including department rivalry softball games, general get-togethers and holiday gatherings. I believe we named the first Friday of every month as a holiday that warranted a happy hour and dance party.

 

And, okay, by the way, I’m kidding about my cat. I took very good care of Tux – fed her every day and even cleaned her kitty litter box on the regular. She was apparently getting me trained to be a true servant to Maggie Minx several decades later – even though she probably would have been horrified to learn that I would be so devoted to a d-o-g.

 

Anyway, I digress. Somehow we built those work friendships into true friendships – and I cherish them even today.

 

I met one of my best friends on our first day at Ohio State. We had the components of shared interests (Elementary Education majors), continuity (many day-to-day classes together) and similar priorities (getting college educations).

 

Sue interrupted her schooling after our freshman year to get married, go to work and start a family. Interestingly, our friendship continued to flourish even though we were in vastly different stages in our lives. I couldn’t imagine being a wife and a mom. I couldn’t imagine worrying about paying the electric bill every month or making dinner for a spouse every night. Instead, I was still interested in meeting friends at the Thirsty-I and playing pranks on the guys in the dorm across the way from us.

 

A few years later, Sue and her young daughters moved to Florida and our friendship could have fizzled out then. But we made the effort to keep in touch by writing letters to each other. Yes, Virginia, there was a time before we had Instant Messaging and communication. Hard to believe now. Even calling each other didn't happen often because we were girls on a budget and long-distance calls were a luxury.

 

Eventually, Sue moved back to Columbus and remarried. And when I met and married Vince, the four of us became great friends, which is wonderful because it made traveling and hanging out together so special.

 

So it takes extra effort to maintain friendships as we go through life. But I, for one, think it’s worth it.

 

The friend who brought up the topic of making friends as we age and how it becomes more difficult? She told me about her own experience in this regard. Several couples who were close friends moved to other states and, while she and her husband were able to maintain those friendships long distance, getting together for a meal on a random Saturday night became problematic.

 

So they decided to explore other ways to meet people. They joined a pickleball league and play several times every week. Eventually, a small group from the league started meeting for happy hours or meals that didn’t include the actual playing of pickleball – and these people became friendly and started socializing more often.

 

Now, after 3-4 years, Susan would call some of these folks real friends. And that’s because all those elements – shared interests, continuity and similar priorities – are all present. They see each other on a regular basis, they all have common interests (besides pickleball), and they are all in the same stage of life – retired/no young kids to raise.

 

So while it takes some work to forge new friendships as we get older, it can be incredibly rewarding.

 

I’m grateful for the circle of friends I have. But I’m never averse to making new friends.

 

Just don’t expect me to pick up a pickleball racquet anytime soon. I've got bad knees and don't need more reasons to require surgical procedures.

 

Stay well, my friends. Until next time…

Friendships as we Age (Part I)

Recently I attended a birthday gathering to celebrate a friend’s 50^th birthday. It was one of those cold winter evenings where I seriously considered staying home wrapped up in my fuzzy jacket and fleece blanket. Maggie Minx would be snoozing in my lap and I’d have my latest novel in hand reading about the main character summering in Greece.

 

Two reasons made me unwrap myself and head out the door, which were: 1) I had already taken off the fuzzy jacket and put on my go-out clothes, and 2) Maggie Minx was driving me nuts as I’d been home with her for two whole days without a break and she was whining to go out for a walk every 20 minutes.

 

Actually, there was a third reason – and that was, I missed seeing this group of friends and hoped to reconnect.

 

And, yeah, Reason #3 was the most important because I hadn’t seen some of these folks in a long time. And it turned out to be a wonderful evening, even if I didn’t specifically have conversations with some of them other than to hug and say hello.

 

I realize that, since Covid and Vince’s passing, I don’t get together with large groups of friends as much as I used to. Part of it is my fault in that I haven’t wanted to immerse myself in large group gatherings, but I also realize that we don’t seem to get together in large groups as much either ever since Covid.

 

There was a time we used to gather for every and any little thing. Birthdays, anniversaries, happy hours, weddings, sports, trivia, wine tasting, the first random warm Friday evening after a cold winter. You name it, we got together for it.

 

Now, however, we seem to pick and choose what events merit our presence.

 

Don’t get me wrong. There are still plenty of get-togethers. Some folks are in the ski club with activities like bowling, Euchre, softball and, oh yeah, skiing. There have been smaller groups who get together for trivia or wine tastings or happy hours. Some folks play in fantasy football leagues and get together for whatever reason they need to gather together for in fantasy football. (Clearly, this doesn’t include me as I don’t have the first clue.)

 

And I’m sure there are plenty of times couples get together for Saturday night dinner and movie dates or what have you.

 

fuzzy group photo

But attending this party and looking around the room made me realize that I’ve missed this. Someone took a few group photos, which was great. But people kept joining the party. So even after the photos were taken, maybe another dozen people arrived.

 

So while it wasn’t a close-down-the-bar late night for me, it was a thoroughly enjoyable evening and I’m really glad Kendra had a birthday we could help celebrate.

 

While I may not regularly attend large group gatherings, I do spend a lot of time with smaller groups and one-on-ones with friends. Meeting a friend or two for a meal or to do a little shopping or just hanging out together has been my jam.

 

Recently I was invited to go a movie with two of my friends and former neighbors. I’m not sure if it was a spur-of-the-moment thing or not, but I had already made plans with another friend and couldn’t join them.

 

Later, Meg texted me and asked what specific days/times worked for me to get together and do something.

 

Yeah, I wish I were that organized a person who had specific days and times available for scheduling. Instead, the week ahead I look at my schedule and if there isn’t much on it, I proceed to fill it up. You might ask me what’s going on next week and I might say, “Not a thing.”

 

Then, a couple of days later, I’ve got no availability.

 

And, let’s be real – I don’t have something going on every single day. After all, I’m not 25 anymore. Heck, I’m not even double that age anymore.

 

Some of us need naps.

 

Nevertheless, the week did turn out to be a busy one. Initially, I had the birthday party at the beginning of the week and dinner with a friend at the end of the week. Good enough. But then another group dinner with my TWIG group was scheduled and a wine tasting I hadn’t known about was planned.

 

So I had a busy week – and even though I could easily have stayed wrapped up in my fuzzy jacket and snuggly blankets with my dog in my lap – I’m so glad I went to each one. Because connecting with other people is important, particularly as we get older.

 

A friend I had breakfast with recently talked about why people have a harder time meeting new people and developing true friendships as we age – and it was interesting enough that I may talk about it in more depth.

 

But right now…my fuzzy jacket and snuggly blanket are calling my name. And Maggie is, frankly, due for her walk even though she isn’t whining too much at the moment. Better take her out before she starts.

 

Have a great rest of your weekend, everyone. Stary warm. And maybe call a friend.

 

Until next time…

Decluttering and Its Impact on Charcuterie Efforts

 

Welcome to 2025, folks! Yes, it’s nearly the end of January and I’m just now working on my first blog of the year. Oh, the shame!

 

Actually, I had started two other blogs earlier this month, neither of which I finished. Considering they were mostly complaints about the negative wind chill factors and how much snow and ice I had to tromp through when I took Maggie for her daily walks – it’s probably a good thing I didn’t finish either of them.

 

Today is a balmy 31 degrees F and I feel like we’re experiencing a heat wave. Ooh, double digits! Now, instead of donning a hat, scarf, gloves, parka and winter boots with spikes, I only have to wear the hat, coat and gloves. Leaves me with a lot of extra time in my day, so let’s hope the warming trend continues.

 

Yeah, sure. I mean, c’mon. It’s still January. And I fear that Old Man Winter and Mother Nature have teamed up and aren’t done with us quite yet. Apparently, they’ve decided to show us who’s boss this winter. (And if you live in temperate climes, consider yourself fortunate.)

 

Anyway, since I’m not a fan of cold weather, I’ve been trying to stay inside as much as possible. Thus, I’ve been working on household purging this month. I still have Too. Much. Stuff! I’ve managed to clean out all my kitchen cabinets, although a second pass probably wouldn’t hurt. Just because everything fits in them neatly, doesn’t mean I need all that stuff.

 

Yesterday, I cleaned out the cabinets under the kitchen sink. Not that I rummage under there often, but it is a good feeling to open the cabinets and see order instead of chaos.

 

I have noticed, however, that on occasion I purge a little too much. Most times I don’t have the need for all the serving platters and bowls that we used to own. This is true because I no longer entertain the way that Vince and I did on a regular basis. Plus, I no longer have two kitchens with sufficient cabinet space to house all that stuff either.

 

So over the past several years I’ve greatly reduced the number and types of party supplies in my cabinets. But recently I was invited to a dinner party where I was asked to bring the dessert – only I realized I no longer had a nice serving platter. On it, I was planning to bring fresh fruits and a dip as well as brownies for the chocoholics amongst us.

 

Instead of having one big display of all things sweet, I had to bring two small trays. It didn’t have quite the impact I was hoping for, although I don’t suppose it would have been a good idea to have strawberry juice making the ooey-gooey chocolate brownies soggy.

 

On the other hand, I wasn’t able to pull off a Pinterest Win with my display either.

 

I blame the charcuterie craze. Now instead of being able to slap some strawberries, grapes and blueberries on a plate and be done with it, our food offerings must now resemble works of art.

 

Like I have any clue how to cut a strawberry so that it resembles a fragile red rose.

 

I even saw displays featuring the pineapple crown as a Christmas tree complete with a pineapple star and cranberry “ornaments.” I may have given it the ol’ college try, but I neither had a pineapple on hand, nor did I want to make a last-minute Kroger run. So while that entire idea was out, I did use my star cookie cutter on the cantaloupe. AND the brownies.

 

Hey, I tried.

 

Since I have no photos to share, I clearly wasn’t impressed with my fruit board enough to document it – but grapes pretty much taste the same whether they’re plunked down in a section on a tray or they’re swirled on a board so as to resemble a river amid the sea of fruit.

 

Can you tell I want to be the person who makes the sea of fruit display? Yeah, I have Charcuterie Envy.

 

But I’ll do my best to restrain myself. I don’t have room anymore in my cabinets for those big platters anyway.

 

And, once I finish this blog (and it’s looking good that it might actually get posted as I’ve made it farther than either of the last two blog attempts), I am heading to the spare bathroom to work on purging and organizing the closet in there. Old towels to be gathered and collected for donation to dog shelters? Check. Over the counter medications that expired three years ago? Check, check.

 

Wish me luck. If the temps rise much further, I may be outside luxuriating in the fact that half my face doesn’t need to be covered in a wool scarf that makes it hard to see or boots that took an extra five minutes to don.

 

Enjoy the rest of January, friends. Keep warm. And feel free to show me your Pinterest Charcuterie Wins. 

 

Until next time…