Another Infernal Technology Update

Someday I’m going to figure out technology. Of course, the second I do, it'll change.

 

Why is this?

 

It has gotten to the point where I absolutely loathe updating my phone and anything remotely technical. Because whenever I do, apps do not work like they’re supposed to. Or I have to re-enter a password that is one of those “no hacker in the world will EVER be able to guess this one” created by the little bots hiding in my hard drive.

 

The only person who CAN’T guess those passwords is me.

 

And it usually happens at a critical time.

 

Like the other day. I was in a hurry and needed some groceries. I had overscheduled my day and needed to get gas, stop at the library, pick up groceries, get home, put them away – and then drive across town to meet a friend for dinner. All in a very restricted time span. 

So early that morning I sat down at my computer and placed an order for pick-up. It’s free if you spend a minimal amount – and I knew I wouldn’t have time to wander the aisles at Kroger.

 

But when I pulled into the parking spot, I noticed that they’d removed the phone number that you text when you arrive. Instead, the sign displayed one of those black and white QR codes that I had to scan to tell the store I was there.

 

QR Code for Jane's Domain!

When I scanned it, it took me to Kroger’s website where I was supposed to re-enter my password. That I couldn't remember. I mean, I was never one of those people who used “Password123” or something ridiculously simple that even a mediocre hacker could hack.

 

No, I used to try to create passwords that were a little more challenging – but were something that I could at least remember.

 

Not anymore. Like everyone else, I have about a bajillion sites that require passwords with numbers, letters, special characters and hieroglyphics. Not to mention the 2-step authentications, retina scans and a DNA test to prove I am who I say I am.

 

Yet, with all of that, how does my Facebook profile still get hacked??

 

Anyway, I was finally able to let the store know I was there by checking a text from them that bypassed having to re-enter a password. Fortunately, my frozen food remained frozen AND I was able to complete all my other tasks and get to my friend’s house on time.

 

Whew.

 

Recently, I noticed that my iPhone stopped recognizing my face. Yeah, iPhone, I AM a couple years older than I was when I set it up, but I don’t look that different, for cryin’ out loud.

 

So I figured I’d just start the process over again. But the very first screen where you move the phone around scanning your face didn’t work. So I fussed around with it for a while, then Google-searched possible solutions. Tried ‘em all.

 

Until finally – somehow – I was able to re-scan my face. Yippee!

 

Then I shut off my phone and turned it back on so it could get to the facial recognition screen.

 

And my phone refused to recognize my face.

 

Sheesh. Talk about a confidence killer. Now I’m old and apparently so ugly, iPhone won’t even talk to me.

 

During my research, I read that some folks had to take their phones to the store to be worked on. And that Apple wanted $200 to fix the problem. Uh, sorry, Apple. No can do.

 

I am fine with entering a six-digit passcode to get into my phone.

 

Except that I have an awful lot of two-factor authentications set up – and they require facial recognition.

 

Sigh.

 

But my iPhone is not the only technological culprit.

 

I recently had to update my laptop. It’s hooked up to a big screen so my poor little eyes don’t get overly strained while I work. But this complicates matters – because I’m never sure if I have to adjust the screen – or the laptop itself – whenever something goes haywire.

 

Like the volume/sound on my computer. I remember about a year ago after a computer update going through this same issue when I couldn’t hear anything. Videos would play, but there was no sound. I fussed and researched and tried multiple fixes and – miraculously – something finally worked and I had sound.

 

Figured that was the end of that issue – right? Oh, no, Skippy. Not so much.

 

Because the problem is back. I got on my computer the other day and clicked on a funny video (because the video maker told me it was funny – and they even told me to turn the volume up). But there was no sound. Even though I fussed and tried multiple fixes.

 

Guess I have to re-research audio solutions.

 

I wish I could remember the steps I took to fix problems when they occur. The only problem with that is that I end up fiddling around trying so many things that when I finally do get something to work, I have no earthly clue which steps worked and in what order.

 

If I tried writing down my process, it wouldn’t work the next time I tried it. Probably because I’m supposed to add steps in the middle like spin around three times, click my heels together and say a little prayer to those little bots hiding in this crazy technological world.

 

Maybe I should just go back to the olden days like my brother John. He is not “connected” in any way – doesn’t have the Internet or a router – and doesn’t have a single password he has to remember. I’m not even sure he knows what an “app” is.

 

He finally got a cell phone – except it’s a flip phone (I kid you not.)

 

He hasn’t mastered the “Press 4 twice for “H,” wait a second, then press 4 again three times for “I” – all to just say Hi. Hard to believe we used to do that to send text messages, eh?

 

But John has resorted to a complicated code of communication. He types “1” for yes/agreement/what he/she said and “2” for no/ain’t happenin’/don’t even get me started.

 

Fortunately, his college-educated siblings have been able to crack the code and the four of us have had actual conversations this way.

 

Nah. I can't go back. How would I express myself without access to emojis? And I'd end up thumb-texting in my sleep 'til I developed carpal tunnel. 

But I have so many more examples of the frustrations we all experience in the technological world, and no more time today. 

So I may write about them in a Part II. Or not. Depends on if my computer needs to be updated between now and then.