Another Year Gone By

It’s hard to fathom that my Vince has been gone two whole years as of today. Two long years that have flown by in the blink of an eye – and yet the days and lonely nights have sometimes seemed interminable.

 

Yeah, good luck getting me to explain that so it’s a little more understandable.

 

I know time has passed because my home is no longer the same – physically as well as metaphorically. I don’t have the same sense of peace I once had thinking that we had “many” more years together.

 

When Vince and I got married, he was 50 and I was just about to turn 50. My mom – even in her dementia – used to tease us and say that we’d probably never get to celebrate our 50^th wedding anniversary. This, after asking how long we had been married versus how long she and my dad had been married as she couldn’t remember either number. (She and dad, by the way, were just days shy of their 64^th wedding anniversary.)

 

Vince would tell her that while he was sad that we’d probably never get to spend 50 years together – he was happy that we could make the best of every single year we did have together.

 

And, boy, did we.

 

This morning Maggie got me up before 6AM for her first walk of the day. Normally, I grouse and complain because that’s wayyy too early for me. If I need to bring a flashlight to see her and what I’m picking up, then I say we have to wait at least until the break of dawn.

 

This morning, though, I promptly got up, got dressed and was out the door with her in record time. Why? Well…uh…mostly because she was eating a lot of grass yesterday, which indicated that she had an upset belly. And last night she had the most god-awful gaseous emissions I’ve ever smelled. Especially outta her since she isn’t normally a gassy kinda dog.

 

I brought along two doggie waste bags – just in case. (And, believe me, they were needed.)

 

But I digress. And, plus, that’s way more about my dog’s digestive system than you ever wanted to hear.

 

(Ooh, except one more thing – what in the WORLD did she eat? It wasn’t something I gave her as I’ve been gone most days lately and she hasn’t gotten any people food. Must’ve been something outside that I don’t even wanna know about.)

 

ANYWAY…

 

I ended up staying up when we got back from our first walk. I brewed a cup of coffee and sat in my chair looking out the patio at the rainy, dreary morning, thinking about life and loss.

 

And, for the first time, I read the Facebook comments people wrote when I posted that my Vince had suddenly passed on April 28, 2021.

 

Well, I take that back. I do think I read them back then. But I guarantee you, in my grief and devastation, I didn’t remember a single one.

 

So – two whole years later – I can appreciate the outpouring of love and support. And I thank you for every one of those condolence messages.

 

Last year on the one-year anniversary of his death, I knew I didn’t want to be alone, brooding and sad about his being gone and missing him. So I asked friends to come out for a drink so we could toast him and celebrate his life. We had a lovely evening (in shifts because I could only have so many people in the room I’d reserved before I’d have to pay to rent the room). (Vince, by the way, would have approved of my ingenuity in getting out of paying extra charges…!)

 

But it is so comforting to know I have people in my life who continually send me love and support during this grief journey.

 

To wit, I was invited to get together with some good friends tonight so I wouldn’t be alone. We’ll have a toast to Vince – and we’ll talk and laugh and enjoy our time together. And it will make a sad day just a little more bearable.

 

And yesterday morning I got a text from my friend Lynn who asked if I’d like to meet for breakfast. Yesterday morning.

 

You should know that Lynn and I are not normally spontaneous in our get-togethers. We do the initial texting to suggest getting together sometime soon for a meal. We check our calendars. We have back-and-forth negotiations on the best place, the best date and the best time before finally getting something scheduled.

 

Nope, we’re definitely not spontaneous!

 

But I know how much she and Steve have missed Vince – and I figured they wanted to get together to commemorate the anniversary of his passing – and the love we all have for him still.

 

So I made myself just enough presentable to pass muster in a public place (though hair washing was eschewed as that would have required another 45 minutes of prep time – and it would’ve resulted in a lunch situation instead of a breakfast.)

 

Anyway, we met up, said a prayer, had a toast to him, and enjoyed a meal together. Had it not been for Vince, I would never have met this lovely couple.

 

So thank you, my Vince. The reverberations of your life are still being felt to this day – and will continue, I believe, for years to come.

 

I know others miss him – family, friends and people with whom he worked or went to school with or lived by through the years. People I barely know will tell me they miss his frequent phone calls asking about their day or getting together for a little fellowship. His brother talks about him and his dad surely misses him as he often tells me how he can’t believe his son is gone.

 

So I know without a doubt that I’m not the only one grieving. But losing a spouse is so much different than other losses. They’re all just different. And I’m in no way trying to lessen the impact that those losses have.

 

All I know is that I miss him – and the life we had – and I grieve for the future together we will no longer have.

 

But I also know how much he enriched my life. The things he did and said that I can easily recall that make me smile or laugh. The things he did and said that even now can make me roll my eyes. (But, y’know, I’m an eye-roller from way back.)

 

I miss holding his hand. I miss his hugs. I even miss his crazy driving – turning left into traffic and teasing, “Your side!” as I hang on, squeeze my eyes shut and brace for impact.

 

Well, maybe I don’t miss that last thing so much.

 

But I keep his love for me in my heart and, even through tears, I know I have been blessed.

 

So do me a favor? Hold someone you love close. Tell them how much you love them. And give ‘em a hug. Trust me – it makes the world a brighter place.