Could’ve Fooled Me. (And Did!)

This past summer I walked a lot with Maggie Minx. Wait. Who am I kidding? I walk Maggie Minx a lot ALL seasons – not just summer. But during the summer, I’m not as anxious to get back inside and out of the wind and rain and snow.

 

So my summer strolls included more observations and I enjoyed looking at the pond in the middle of the complex here. There is a fountain, and I enjoyed watching the water tumble and fall and create ripples that sparkled in the sun.

 

There were a lot of ducks early in the spring, but they made a mess out of the walking path, so we avoided it lest we risk getting nasty duck poop on our shoes and paws. Frankly, I knew I’d be careful where I stepped, but Maggie doesn’t pay all that much attention. And, since she’s not the one cleaning the floor, she is blithefully unaware and doesn’t much care where she steps.

 

So we mostly stuck to the sidewalk for our daily walks.

 

Anyway, sometime around mid-June, I noticed there weren’t as many ducks. And I glanced over at the far side of the pond and saw two white swans. I was thrilled to see them as I think they’re beautiful creatures.

 

So all summer I’d see the swans floating around in the pond, but toward the end of the fall I started wondering about their habits. Shouldn’t they be getting ready to migrate south for the winter?

 

These swans weren’t leaving.

 

And – just as suddenly – it occurred to me that I’d never seen the swans out of the water. Nor had I ever seen them flap their wings.

 

And THEN it occurred to me that they weren’t real swans!

 

I know, I know – all you geniuses would’ve immediately known they were fake swans. And it took me more than three months to figure it out.

 

What’s worse, I’d been showing off “my” swans to friends who visited. I’m sure they thought they were real, too, as none of us ventured to the far side of the pond to check them out.

 

Fortunately, I confirmed with someone that they were, indeed, fake swans that had been placed in the pond to reduce the number of geese and ducks from flocking there.

 

I say “fortunately” because a few days later the temperature dropped below freezing with snow and ice on the water and the swans were “stuck” in the ice. Had I thought they were real, I might have called some wildlife rescue to save them, which would have been, well, mortifying.

 

All I could do was laugh at myself for my gaffe. 

 

But this sort of thing happens a lot.

 

Like last week, a couple friends came over to visit. One friend asked me what the plants were in front of my neighbor’s hedges. I said I didn’t know – that she had planted them last summer.

 

I’d never really given them more than a cursory glance because I’m not one to dig in the dirt. And it’s not like I planned to plant some of my own.

 

Also, I don’t know the names of plants. I don’t know whether they need direct or indirect sunlight or how often they need to be watered. It’s a miracle that the six indoor plants I own have lived as long as they have – and a few of them have even survived my move last year.

 

And, no, I don’t know the names of them. I identify them by calling them the “spiky” one or the “frondy” one.

 

My friend, by the way, can tell you the genus and species of many plants. If that includes the Latin or Greek name of it, she knows it.

 

Yeah, I know. Perhaps I should’ve paid more attention when I was younger and I wouldn’t have to resort to calling my snake plant the “spiky” one.

 

Mom had a green thumb and she tried to impart some of her knowledge back in the day, but I didn’t get the appeal of kneeling outside digging in the dirt. Mom called it therapeutic. I just called it messy. Cleaning dirt from under my fingernails? Uh, no.

 

Anyway. After my friends had left and it was time to walk Maggie later that evening, I walked past my neighbor’s house. I furtively bent down and touched one of the plants – and discovered they were plastic!

 

Yeesh. I had given her the benefit of the doubt that she’d found some sort of plant that would survive all year.

 

But I had to give myself a little bit of a break. After all, a couple of my former neighbors had small white flowers that bloomed in the winter. (I just looked it up because, naturally, I couldn’t remember the name. They’re called “Snowdrops” and they will bloom even when there is snow on the ground.)

 

Still. I had to wonder if I’m just that obtuse or do I simply not pay much attention to things that don’t interest me?

 

Let’s go with the latter. Obtuse is not an adjective I really want to use to describe myself.

 

Lately, I’ve been watching some Tiktok guy @SydneyRaz who starts off with “Here’s Something I Didn’t Know Until I was in my 30s…”

 

And I watch his videos because I want to make sure I know about these things. You never know what you don’t know – right? 

On the other hand, I was glad that I already knew that the top rack in a dishwasher can be adjusted and that you can put a wooden spoon over a pot of boiling water and it won’t boil over.

 

Whew.

 

But clearly there were things I didn’t know until I was in my 60s…like sometimes swans in ponds and plants planted outside can be fake.

 

Now I know. Can’t fool me twice.