Monday, February 14, 2022

Bah Humbug. (Yes, I AM using this for Valentine’s Day!)

 


Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s Valentine’s Day 2022.

 

If you are in love and giddy with excitement this February 14th, I am happy for you. Really I am.

 

It’s an amazing thing to have that special someone to celebrate with. I loved getting showered with flowers and jewelry and dinners at fancy restaurants (or dinners at home where I didn’t have to lift a finger).

 

But this year I am choosing to ignore the hearts and flowers and chocolate holiday. You understand.

 

I know there are single women who schedule “Galentine” gatherings, which is a great idea. But the name really just makes me think of my friend Peni since that was her birth surname.

 

Besides, when I was happily ensconced in my little red-hearted romance with Vince, I didn’t try to make plans with my girlfriends who were single or divorced or widowed.

 

Hey, I’d spent many a Valentine’s Day on my own as a single woman. And I certainly managed to get through the day.

 

So I figure I can get through this one just fine.

 

But to make sure I stay busy and keep myself from buying and eating an entire heart-shaped box of chocolates, I made a “To Do” list of tasks I can accomplish. Wanna hear ‘em? (Why, thank you for saying “Absolutely, Jane’s Domain! What’s on your list?”)

 

Alphabetize my Spices. Sure, I’ve done this before. Even put little labels on each of the jars and lined them up precisely equidistant from one another in the cabinet expressly dedicated to spices. Only to have Vince annihilate my beautifully organized spice cabinet with the preparation of a single pot roast.

 

Besides, I’ve moved. And I use maybe 1/10th of the spices we had. So I have an entire box of spices that I haven’t even unpacked. Perhaps I should just chuck the whole thing without opening it? Yeah, there’s an idea. Let’s move on to the next item.

 

Color code my sock drawer. This will be simple. All my socks are black. Some are shorter, thinner socks for warmer weather and some are longer, thicker winter socks. But they’re all black. Come to think of it, I can pretty much cross this item off my list now. Maybe I should move to my underwear drawer…but, no…they’re mostly black, too.  What can I say? Life is much simpler when you stick to a single palette.

 

Donate all my unused, mis-matched Tupperware-wannabe containers. But that’s silly – because I did a lot of that purging before I moved. Bowls with no matching lids? Gone. Pre-21st century plastic containers that looked gross (that Vince wouldn’t let me toss unless I did it “by accident” wink-wink?) Gone. I even donated perfectly good containers with matching lids because I used to have two kitchens. And ain’t nobody be needing fifty-three containers for leftovers.

 

Weedwack the hair on my legs. This has not been done since Labor Day and I am heading to Florida soon. I wouldn’t want the Sunshine State to mistake me for Bigfoot and haul me to a secret government lab to study me before I’ve soaked up at least a little Vitamin D.

 

Schedule my 2021 tax preparation and my 2022 oil change/tire rotation. Neither thing is remotely interesting to me and I can easily tack on an extra hour to this chore when a nap is required to recover from the tediousness of it all.

 

Delete most of the 5,197 emails in my Gmail account that I’ve been ignoring for the better part of two years. Sure, I could just do a global delete and be done with it, but you know the second that happens, I’ll need that one email from 2020 that will inexplicably become critical to life as we know it. I don’t have a clue what that could possibly be – but it will rear its ugly head the second I hit “delete.”

 

Hmmm. Upon further consideration, I should probably work on this list some more as it took only the morning to complete. Maggie’s six or seven walks will take up another coupla hours. Which leaves me with plenty of time to purchase and devour an entire heart-shaped box of chocolates.

 

Guess I’d better hope the weedwacking chore takes more time than I anticipate. The hair on my legs is very light and hard to see and it could very well be braid-able by now. Who knew this task could be the highlight of my Valentine’s Day??

 

But whatever.

 

And, on that note, wherever you are and whatever you do, I wish you all lots of love. And a Happy Valentine’s Day!

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