Smart Phone Antics

Lately I’ve had this disconcerting feeling that my cell phone has taken on a life of its own. It’s doing things I haven’t given it permission to – and, frankly, I think it’s turning on me.

 

Recently, Vince told me that I’d posted a video on Facebook and he wanted my phone so he could delete it. That had me a little weirded out since I rarely take videos – let alone post them anywhere.

 

Fortunately, it was mostly a black screen and the audio was unintelligible. Whew. But, okay, how weird is that? Do you know how many steps it takes to open the photo icon, change it to video, take some sort of bizarre video and then post it to Facebook? I’m not sure…but I think it’s a LOT.

 

And then, about a week ago, I saw an alert that a friend had liked my post. Only I hadn’t intentionally added anything to Facebook – so, naturally, I tapped on the icon to see what magical addition I’d added to my page.

 

And there I saw that I’d shared my niece’s new profile pic. Well, that was a little odd. I certainly hadn’t intended to share it, despite the fact that it was a great picture of her and her son.

 

Makes me wonder what else I’ve liked…or added a laughing emoji to – or, God forbid – an angry emoji.  Eek.

 

It’s scary. Why? Because if I’ve ever inadvertently laughed at someone’s sad post or added an angry emoji when someone shared good news, well, I would feel absolutely awful about that.

 

Because that’s not something I would ever do on purpose.

 

I also have never – and I mean never – reported anyone on any social networking app. My feeling is that if I don’t like someone’s post, I just keep right on scrollin’. They have a right to their opinion and their posts, whether I agree with them or not – and it’s not up to me to be the Barney Fife of Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat.

 

But my phone doesn’t really seem to care who I am or what I intend to do or say. Why just today I got a notice that someone I don’t even know and have never met or seen before accepted my friend request. What?? She looks like a perfectly nice person. But she has her friends list blocked, so I can’t even tell if we have any friends in common.

 

And why would I want to add people to my friends list that I don’t know? Yeah, my answer is the same as the question: I don’t know.  But I feel a little awkward about removing her as a friend. I mean, she accepted and all.

 

Maybe I shouldn’t be trusted with all this modern technology and I should just go back to a dumb phone. Do they still make those?

 

But it all starts from the moment I get up and goes on until my head hits the pillow again that night.

 

Every morning I follow the same routine. Maggie Minx jumps from the bed to the floor and stands next to my head and whines because it’s time for her walk. Doesn’t matter if my alarm hasn’t yet gone off – she decides the wake-up time. (Which is why I’ve recently stopped setting the alarm. I mean, why bother?!)

 

So the first thing I do is pick up my phone. Probably my first step should be to settle my glasses on my face because I’d eliminate the step of having to put in my security code. Evidently, my iPhone doesn’t recognize the squinty-eyed, cranky, disheveled woman in front of it and insists that this strange woman enter the proper code to be allowed access.

 

It's hard to remember new processes when I’m still half asleep – but I’ll work on it. Glasses first, Jane!

 

Nevertheless, once I’m granted access to my home screen, I turn off the security system to the house lest I forget and Maggie and I stumble out the front door setting the alarm to shrieking and bringing the cops to our address. I mean, who needs that sort of commotion before they’ve had their first cup of coffee?

 

And a couple days ago I had another odd occurrence with my phone. I received a text from my sister saying she saw I called but she was in a meeting – and did I need her to call me back right away.

 

Hunh. I had no concept that I had called my sister. And even now when I looked at my recent calls, I don’t see a call on there to her. So that’s weird.  Ooh, but what’s even weirder is that I just looked down at my phone again and there it is…the phone call to my sister.

 

Doo do do do… (or whatever the notes are that will make you recall the theme to the Twilight Zone…)

 

Oh, and another thing I’m always doing without meaning to is rearranging and/or deleting apps on my phone screen. As a creature of habit, I know where my text messages app is and where the weather app is on my screen. But when they move down or over one spot, I have no earthly clue what has disappeared! Or why.

 

Sigh.

 

I never thought I’d say this, but I sort of miss the old flip phones. Once you clapped them shut, nothing would accidentally happen. No “butt dials,” no random posts or videos to social media. No inappropriate likes or dislikes. No adding strangers or removing friends.

 

It was a simpler life back then, wasn’t it?

 

But I probably couldn’t take it. Once I realize that I couldn’t access Waze to plot my route or see the restaurant availability through Open Table, I’d quickly jump back to my smart phone.

 

I just wish it wasn’t actually smarter than me…