Baby, it's Cold Outside!

Last night I took Maggie on her 5^th walk of the day. It was snowing. Again. And OMG – it was FREEZING out there! Literally. It was, like, 18 degrees. And with the wind chill it felt like it was minus 100.

 

And, okay, so maybe the last sentence was not literally true…but it sure felt like it.  I was wearing my heaviest winter coat with gloves, a winter scarf and earmuffs. I had on snow boots with these lovely rubber gripper thingies that have little spikes on the bottom so I don’t slip on the snow and ice.

 

Normally, these winter trappings would be good enough to keep me warm while I’m walking my dog around the neighborhood. Not last night, though.

 

I was shivering so hard it would have been difficult to tell the difference if I was merely cold or doing a bad imitation of the jitterbug.

 

This surprises me because in the mornings when Maggie drags me out of bed before I’m even awake, I’m usually wearing a tank top and thin sleep pants – and I’m still warm enough with my Nanook of the North coat, gloves, scarf and earmuffs.

 

But last night – dear lord – I was ready to chuck it all, grab my flip flops and hop a plane and move to Fiji.

Of course, knowing I couldn’t possibly wear a face mask for the duration of a flight to Fiji, I gave up that idea as impractical.

 

Oh, sure, Jane – and that’s the only reason you’re not moving to Fiji?

 

Besides, when I came in from the cold with my nose running and my eyeglasses fogged up, my only thought was to kick off my spikey boots, release Maggie from the leash and blow my nose before I embarrassed myself.  

 

Meanwhile, Vince was standing in the kitchen laughing at me as I stumbled around searching for a tissue. When my eyeglasses had cleared little circles in the middle of the lenses, I discovered Vince taking pictures of me looking absolutely ridiculous.

 

Sadly, I didn’t realize just how ridiculous I looked until he showed me the photos. Egad. I completely forgot about Fiji. Besides the flip flops and face mask, I’d need a paper bag to cover my entire head. And then I surely would not have been able to withstand the 15-hour flight to Fiji.

 

I vaguely resembled Marcie from the Peanuts Gang. Or the Where’s Waldo guy. Or even Mister. Magoo.

 

You can only laugh at yourself when you compare yourself to Mister Magoo.

 

And today? I’ve been on three walks so far without any sign of jitterbugging. Why? Because it’s a balmy 27 degrees today.

 

I’ve helped shovel the sidewalk and driveway three times in the last week. So I think that’s enough outdoor activities for me. I have absolutely zero plans to go snowboarding or ice skating anytime soon.

 

And when the doorbell rang a little while ago and the kid outside offered to shovel my driveway, I nearly dropped to my knees in gratitude and practically threw money at him!

 

Overly dramatic? Perhaps. But I’m ever so much happier staying warm and toasty inside.

 

Until it’s my next turn to walk Maggie Minx.