Exercise is Not for the Weak

I went to the gym last night for the first time in a week and let me tell you, it was tough! Big surprise, huh? If working out was easy, we’d all be doing it on a regular basis. Hmmm…what a concept!

I managed to put in a full hour with 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes on the weight machines, but the whole time I was sweating and grumbling to myself I was wishing I was sitting on the couch with Vince noshing on pita chips and sipping an adult beverage.

I am not one of those people who naturally enjoy exercise. It’s hard for me to believe, but there are actually people out there who like it. They cannot imagine letting a day go by without running or biking or sweating in some form or another. I don’t like to sweat. Yuck. That’s why my preferred form of exercise is swimming laps in a pool. You don’t realize you’re sweating because you’re already wet.

Sadly, the gym I attend these days has a tiny kidney shaped pool whose primary function is to accommodate water aerobics classes. I’ve seen people swim laps in it, but I figure they must be a lot shorter than I am. The one time I attempted to swim laps in that pool, I got in about five and a half strokes before my left hand smacked the tiles. And when I lifted my head to take a breath, my face came in direct contact with the wall. I don’t know about you, but knuckle and/or facial bruising are not exactly incentives to get me back into that pool.

And, yes, I could take the water aerobics classes but I don’t for two reasons: 1) there must be a lot of other women who don’t like to sweat either because those classes are jam-packed, and 2) the acoustics in a pool are horrible and as a half-deaf person I can never hear the instructor. Thus, I am the person turning left and kicking when everyone else is turning right and stretching. It might look amusing, but it’s really more embarrassing than anything. Especially when I kick the lady to my left in the knee. As you can imagine, I've had to apologize a lot in water aerobics classes.

Not only that, but there is also the vision problem. I mostly wear glasses these days since wearing contacts is a pain and I am, as my mother says, hiding Mother Nature’s Little Gifts (wrinkles). Wearing glasses in a pool in which splashing is involved just doesn’t make sense.

So I have resigned myself to sweating on the treadmill. Or the stationary bike. Or the elliptical. Now if I could only use those machines while noshing on pita chips and sipping an adult beverage, perhaps I wouldn’t mind sweating nearly as much. Hmmm…now there’s a concept!