The BIG Trash Can Story

This is a story of the BIG trash can in Jane’s Domain. Normally, we wouldn’t be talking about things like trash cans as there really isn’t much to say about them.  Or so you’d think. 

But has that every stopped me before? Of course not! 

We can’t exactly call Trash Cans pretty. Oh, I suppose you could go all Pinterest on them and decorate them with stencils and paint and Mod Podge and such. But, in my opinion, they still wouldn’t be pretty.

So what could I possibly have to say about Trash Cans, you ask? 

Well, see, last week – while we’re still in January and I’m in the “Let’s Get Organized!” mode – I decided that I couldn’t stand our trash can situation any longer. 

So I ordered a new one. More about this in a minute.

When we moved into this house three and a half years ago, the previous owner left her trash can here. It is functional, true. And it has wheels, which seem as if they would be handy, but the can is not very sturdy and the wheels don’t roll very well.  So we are usually forced to half carry, half drag the can to the curb.

And – most importantly – the can doesn’t hold very much.  Perhaps the previous owner was better at leaving a smaller trash footprint than we do, but we frequently discovered that we couldn’t fit all our weekly trash into that one can.

So we (meaning “I”) often left the trash in bags on the floor of the garage until it was Garbage Night and then we (meaning “Vince”) had to figure out how to fit five bags of garbage into a can that holds about three.

Needless to say, neither of us is fond of Garbage Night.

Plus, a few months ago, the garbage men, er, “sanitation workers” hauled away our trash, but ran over the lid to the trash can.  Thanks, sanitation workers! 

So even though I struggled to push the lid back into its original shape before it got run over, it never fit correctly on the trash can again.  Which meant that once the lid was down on the can, it could be lifted off only with a winch and/or a body-builder on steroids.  As I have neither of those handy on a routine basis, I rarely attempted to remove the lid in order to deposit a bag of trash into the can. 

So last week I compared prices for new trash cans.  And, boy, was I shocked.  Lemme tell you: trash cans ain’t cheap!  Nevertheless, I was determined to solve our trash situation. 

Normally, I would simply order from Amazon.com using my Prime membership (and “free” shipping), but their prices were significantly higher than the local Lowe’s Home Improvement store.  Plus, it would be nearly a week before the can would be delivered.

Instead, I knew I could order online from Lowe’s and go pick it up that afternoon without paying a delivery charge.

And the benefits!  The can from Lowe’s has a permanently attached lid, so that it would never again get run over by sanitation workers.  It has sturdy wheels so we never again have to drag the can to the end of the driveway. It is large enough to hold all our trash. And the reviews were overwhelmingly positive.

Satisfied that I’d made the correct move, I purchased the can and drove to Lowe’s to pick it up.  It was, by the way, a frigid 18 degrees outside.  But I assumed it would be a quick trip and I’d soon be home basking in the glow of solving our trash problem.

I arrived at Lowe’s and showed the paperwork to the clerk who sent a runner to the back of the store to retrieve my trash can. This took about 20 minutes and, while I realize Lowe’s is a big store, it wouldn’t take me 20 minutes to reach the back.  So I figured the runner maybe took a smoke break while he was back there.

When he eventually wheeled the can up to the Service Desk, I thought, Yeah, that’s definitely big enough.

Never did I think, Hmmm, I wonder if it will fit in my car?       

I should have.  Because it didn’t.

I confidently wheeled it out to the parking lot and up to my car. My four-door Audi A4.  A sedan.  NOT a truck or an SUV, as were just about all the other vehicles in the parking lot. And now I know why. 

But I thought I could simply pull the front passenger seat forward as far as it would go and then slide the can into the back seat. 

Yeah, that didn’t work.  While the bottom of the can fit, I couldn’t get the top of it in.

So then I popped the trunk and I folded down the back seat. And attempted to lift the can into the trunk, but couldn’t even get the bottom part of it in. 

By this point, I knew that pretty much the only way I would’ve gotten that can home with my car was to either strap it to the top – or drag it behind the car. 

Neither of those options sounded reasonable.  Plus, I didn’t have any bungee cords.  And, yes, I was at Lowe’s and could have gone back in and purchased some, but I’m not well-schooled on bungee-cord application.  I’m never really sure where to hook them securely without pulling off important parts of the car.

In defeat, I turned around and headed back into the store wheeling my brand-new trash can. I took a little comfort in the fact that since it was only 18 degrees outside, probably no one was watching me and laughing as I tried to fit a 64-gallon trash can into a small sedan.

The clerk suggested I rent a truck from them for $65  – something I was loathe to do.  Or they could deliver it for – you guessed it – $65. 

I told the clerk that I’d simply find a friend with an SUV or truck and would be back to pick up the can. 

Except that their paperwork showed that I had already picked up the can.  So in order to keep their paperwork straight, they had to “return” the can and then reapply payment to a “new” trash can. Which would then be waiting for me in the back of the store.

This process took another 20 minutes. By this point, I was sincerely wishing I had paid the extra money to Amazon.com.

But I was determined to get that infernal trash can home, so I spent the next two days trying to figure out who would take pity on me and drive me to Lowe’s to pick it up.

Fortunately, I have wonderful neighbors. I explained the trash can situation to Suzy who arranged a trip to Lowe’s with Pat who came to my rescue. 

Pat’s husband has a big red truck (I suppose I should know the make and model for reporting purposes – but all I know is that it’s shiny and new and has a fancy interior and you have to climb up really far to reach the seat.)  It certainly seemed big enough to handle my BIG trash can.

So we walked into Lowe’s and picked up that trash can and confidently wheeled it out to the truck.  We picked it up – and slid it in.

I’d love to report that it fit easily inside the truck, but it barely fit!  We had to bungee cord it in. (Apparently Pat is more well-schooled on bungee cord application than I am.) 

Nevertheless, we were able to close the tailgate and get the trash can home safe and sound. 

So now my trash can situation is solved.  But, strangely, I’m still not excited about Garbage Night.

Hunh.  Wonder if I should check Pinterest for those stencil and paint and Mod Podge ideas?

Nah. I’m just happy the darn thing fits in the corner of our garage.