Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Jane’s Early Morning Wake-Up Call

I woke up unexpectedly and wayyyyy too early this morning, so I’m tired. And the caffeine I’ve been pouring down my gullet hasn’t helped one iota.

I’m blaming the felines in the house because they woke me up shortly before 5AM by licking my cheek. Believe me, this was unexpected because the felines in the house have heretofore been banned from our bedroom. So you can imagine how startling this particular wake-up call was. Vince, by the way, never ever wakes me up in the morning by licking my cheek.

Speaking of my dear husband, perhaps I should be blaming him for the early wake-up call since he’s the one who left the bedroom door open, which allowed the little monsters access to the room. Not to mention access to my cheek.

We’ve banned them from the bedroom because we’re trying to keep our comforter, which we received as a wedding gift, from being shredded by their little killer kitty claws. (Say that five times fast.)

So far we’ve managed to keep it shred-and snag-free. And I believe my behavior once the sandpapery little tongue came in contact with my cheek was enough to convince the kittens that they did NOT wish to remain in the bedroom to explore any further. I shot straight up in bed and shrieked “Eeeeek!” because I wasn’t even dreaming about a kitten licking my cheek.

Their response was to do that peculiar-but-funny cat maneuver of launching themselves vertically in the air with claws extended and fur and tail standing straight up. Without touching ground, they then scampered out of the bedroom.

Meanwhile, I fumbled around for my glasses and then trudged downstairs to give them some food in the hopes that they would leave me alone and I could get at least a little cat-nap (ha) on the couch before I had to officially start my day.

What I failed to do was shut the bedroom door after I left the room.

I gave them their morning portion of kitten chow, which always makes me laugh. Why? Because they act as if they’ve never seen food before and they’re squeaking (Jinx) and meowing (Twinks) as if they’re absolutely starving! (I’m feeding them according to our vet’s instructions, so they shouldn’t be “absolutely starving.” But this is beside the point.)

They wolfed down their chow while I pulled a fuzzy throw over myself and attempted to close my eyes. Moments later, they snapped open again because I could hear only a faint jingling of the little bells on their collars. My crack intellect told me that they were getting into mischief beyond my immediate reach.

So I snuck upstairs and discovered them back in the bedroom where they were launching themselves off the bedside table and onto the bed. Sigh.

Somehow I managed to herd them out of the bedroom. Then I slipped back inside, shut the door, turned off the light and jumped back in bed.

Except I couldn’t sleep anymore. I dozed a little bit, perhaps, but I couldn’t get settled back down.

Other than a little incident when applying mascara this morning (the brush should never go directly into one’s eye), I seem to be unscathed by my lack of sleep. But I’m pretty glad that I’m wearing boots today – they seem to be keeping me a little more stable. If I’d worn my slip-on moccasins, I suspect I would be swaying on my feet. And it’s a good thing I’m spending the majority of my time sitting down.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll wake up. Eventually. Meanwhile, I sort of wish I was at home today. Why? Because every time I saw those kittens dozing, I think I’d be tempted to go over and wake them up by blowing in their faces. Or by banging on some pots and pans. Or by slamming a door.

I’d try licking their little cheeks, but they’d probably (a) like it, and (b) think the other kitten was giving her a bath. But mostly (c), I don’t need to deal with a hairball today.

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