Monday, March 6, 2017

Kale Salad = The Jane’s Domain Squinchy Face

I’m working from home today, so I decided to eat a salad for lunch. Since the Salad Fairy is off on Mondays, it was up to me to prepare my greens.

Oh, who am I kidding? The Salad Fairy is a myth. There is no Salad Fairy, I’m afraid. Around here, I’m the only one who wields the salad spinner and chops the lettuce.

Anyway, I wasn’t in the mood to either wield or chop, so I went with Plan B, which was the already prepared Salad Kit in A Bag.

Only problem was, this particular kit (from Costco, by the way), is a kale salad.


I’m sorry – I know kale is supposed to be good for me, but whenever I eat it, I feel like I’m munching on the dead grass outside in our yard. Except I’m guessing that the dead grass outside in our yard is a little more tender has a touch more flavor.

Ordinarily I love salads. I cut up lots of veggies and use dark, leafy greens. My salads are pretty tasty -– just ask Vince. And they are legendary – just ask me!

But, noooo. I had to go with Plan B.

Now Costco ingeniously provides some sort of poppyseed dressing to go with the kale salad because they know that otherwise, ain’t nobody nowhere buying that bag o’ cud. Problem is, it’s a big bag of salad and there are only two packets of dressing. By the time you’ve thrown a couple handfuls of kale in a bowl and topped it with (okay, drenched it in) dressing, you’re out of dressing.

And today, I sent Vince to work with a bowl of cud, er, kale plus the other packet of poppyseed dressing to “enjoy” for lunch. 

So my dressing choices were either (a) a light balsamic vinaigrette or (b) a delicious Hartville Kitchen Sweet and Sour dressing with about a bajillion calories per teaspoon. 

And, yes, while the balsamic would have been a better choice as far as fat and calories go, I knew that the little bit of flavor it would provide would not be enough to mask the taste of the kale.

So here, too, I went with Plan B. (If you have not tried Hartville Kitchen Sweet and Sour dressing, you should. It’s decadent, albeit hard to find as it’s made near my hometown of Alliance - in a tiny town called Hartville. Hence the name on the jar.)

Usually I try to be judicious when using this Hartville dressing as it’s thick and pretty flavorful, so you don’t need much. But remember, we’re talkin’ kale here. So I did the drenching thing.

But it didn’t help!

Once I started eating the salad, I wondered where all the dressing went. Kale apparently has magical absorption properties as the salad was still dry and bitter.


So after about an hour of eating – and making my squinchy face (which is now leaving permanent lines so I should stop making it), I finally admitted defeat and I put down my fork.

As you can see from the photo here, I didn’t make much headway.

Fortunately, kale salad is also very filling and I’m no longer hungry enough to seek out something tastier. This is a good thing.

Because I think there is a box of Girl Scout Thin Mints in the pantry.

I better not investigate.

And tomorrow? Well, if I have a hankering for a salad, I’m going to have to wield and chop. Either that or hire a Salad Fairy. 

(Oh, and PS, you should totally click on the Squinchy Face" link above - it was a blog I wrote in 2011. It was funny. Guess I was funnier in 2011.)