Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I’m So Over Camouflage

I was so tired this morning that my daily dose of caffeine was not sufficient to wake me up. Of course, what I drink barely qualifies as coffee since it’s Hazelnut with an added shot of sugar free Hazelnut flavoring and a dollop of soy milk. As Vince says, it’s girlified coffee. And it doesn’t pack much of a punch in the way of caffeine.

I briefly considered making a stop on the way in to work to pick up a can of Red Bull, but dismissed the idea since I cannot stomach Red Bull. Actually, I’m not really sure I know what Red Bull tastes like because the last time I had one it was accompanied by some sort of alcoholic shot. And it wasn’t my kind of drink. So, alas, no Red Bull for me.

Vince and I have been staying up later and later at night watching movies. Yes, we’ve discovered Netflix. And we peruse the titles every evening after he gets home from work. So this means that we don’t even start watching a movie until about 10 o’clock, which, for people our age, really should be about the time we start thinking about heading to bed.

I took a quick gander at my watch last night and realized how late it was, but still gamely hit Play on the remote so we could watch the latest war movie.

That’s another issue.

Our Netflix “favorites” are filled with war movies and action flicks and violent films.  Not a comedy or girly movie in sight.

And then I realized that Vince’s almost 17-year-old son set up our Netflix. I’m guessing he selected the genres. For all I know he may even have blocked anything remotely resembling a chick flick.

And the worst thing is that somehow the screen says, “Jane’s Favorites.” Huh?  Listen, people, I enjoy an action film every now and again and I am not opposed to a shoot-em-up movie on occasion, but not every single time we watch a movie.

Last night’s selection involved guys in fatigues dropping out of helicopters and invading Pakistan to rescue some French reporter from her Taliban captors. There were even English subtitles that we had to read amid bursts of gunfire. And, considering we have Surround Sound, it was as if the terrorists were surrounding our house.

Ah, yes. Just EXACTLY what I needed to watch to lull me into a gentle, relaxed sleep.

Not so much.

I told Vince that he owed me big. That I might even force him to go to an actual movie theatre to watch a romantic comedy of my choosing.

Not that this plan worked the last time we went to the movies. We bought tickets to the Silver Linings Playbook, which is the movie I wanted to see. We started to make our way to the correct theater holding our $20 worth of popcorn and soda and tiny bag of Twizzlers. Suddenly, Vince noticed that the new G.I. Joe movie was starting in a few minutes on the 70 foot wide, 3 story tall UltraScreen. He looked at me beseechingly with big puppy dog eyes and suggested it might be fun to watch a movie on the big screen.

Sighing, I realized I was about to watch more guys wearing camouflage.  But I gave in.  Mostly because Vince was carrying the Twizzlers.  Plus, I figured I’d get a little reward because Channing Tatum was in this movie along with The Rock, who these days goes by his given name, Dwayne Johnson.  Doesn’t matter what he calls himself, that right there was going to be a little eye candy for me.

Except that (spoiler alert!) Channing Tatum dies early on in the movie. So I spent the remainder of the movie mourning his loss. And chewing on Twizzlers. 

So while it was a fun date night with my husband, it has been far too long since I’ve gotten to watch a girly movie. And I realize that I really miss the color pink. But it sort of scares me…because I’m starting to think in terms of pink camouflage.

That can’t be good.

Didn’t Honey Boo Boo’s mom just get married wearing a camo wedding dress? Let me check…

Aaaahhh!  My eyes…my eyes! 

Okay, that does it! I’m going to Redbox immediately and renting The Notebook. We’re going to watch it at a civilized 8PM. And we’ll be sleeping by 10PM. And I will NOT be dreaming of camouflage. Pink or otherwise.

Oh, and somehow or another, I'm going to figure out our Netflix password and change our definition of "Favorites." 

Who knows? Maybe one of these days we'll even get to watch Silver Linings Playbook. Let's just hope there are no scenes in which Bradley Cooper is wearing camouflage.

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