Wednesday, May 8, 2013

From Camouflage and Automatic Weapons to Tiaras and Poufy Dresses

Yesterday I blogged about the movies Vince and I have been watching of late – and they have all involved men wearing camouflage and carrying lethal weapons.

So guess what we watched last night?  Mirror Mirror – the Julia Roberts movie about Snow White. 

I ask you, how much farther could we have gotten from war movies than a movie involving princesses and based on a fairy tale?!

Somehow Vince managed to endure the entire film, although he was pretty antsy. He got up a couple times and even walked out of the room for a while.  Ostensibly to clean up the dinner dishes, but I think he just needed a break. Probably he wanted to get the image of Snow White out of his head by replacing it with, oh, I don’t know – images of machine guns and rocket launchers.

It’s hard to blame the guy, though.  I mean, he was probably going through war movie withdrawal.

Sadly, the fight scenes with the seven dwarfs just didn’t seem to cut it for him.

I, of course, enjoyed the movie, even though it didn't get very good ratings. Hey, I just wanted to be distracted and entertained for a little while and I didn't want to spend a couple hours cringing whenever someone got shot or blood spurted in all its gory glory.  

Besides, I liked watching Julia Roberts play mean. She had a lot of sarcastic and biting lines. I was curious about the actress who plays Snow White, Lily Collins. She’s the daughter of Phil “In the Air Tonight” Collins. She was a pretty good Snow White and she never once broke out in a verse of “Sussudio.”

But I was a little confused and started searching the recesses of my mind where the Kids Fairy Tales memories are stored. When I finally locked on to Snow White about halfway through the movie, I turned to Vince and said, “Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of poisoned apple situation here?”

He didn’t bother to respond.

My next moment of confusion was when the seven dwarfs arrived on the scene. In the Disney version, they were all cute, friendly little guys. Well, except for Grumpy. But they were industrious and whistled while they worked and all that.

Not these dwarfs. They didn’t even have the same names. There was no Bashful. No Sleepy. No Doc.  Instead, they were Grimm, Butcher, Wolf, Napoleon, Half Pint, Grub and Chuck.

Chuck. Puhleeze. What kinda name is “Chuck” for one of the seven dwarfs? Did they run out of creative names by the time they got to the seventh one?

Nevertheless, I enjoyed our little diversion from the shoot ‘em up movies we’ve been watching. And now I’m curious to watch the other movie based on Snow White, featuring Charlize Theron as the Evil Queen. Looked it up and everything – it’s called, Snow White and the Huntsman. Hmmm…wonder if it’s on Netflix yet?

Vince is cringing right about now. I’m guessing he’ll suggest we take a Netflix break tonight and instead play a rousing game of Scrabble. Or maybe he’ll drag me outside in the dark so we can start pulling the weeds that have infiltrated our flower beds. This is because no Fairy Godmother has magically planted any flowers in those flower beds, so the weeds have had free reign. Darn Fairy Godmothers. Where are they when you need ‘em?

Yeah, I’m guessing they’ve used up all their magic by showing us Mirror Mirror on Netflix last night instead of, say, Act of Valor.

On the other hand, I think we’ve already seen Act of Valor.

So, hey, Fairy Godmother – you owe me one.  A coupla impatiens and maybe a petunia or two in those flower beds. C’mon. You can do it!

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