Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Weddings, Tiaras and People Magazine

I forgot my library book the other day and was jonesing for something to read at lunchtime, so I picked up a People magazine. For all I know it was last week’s People magazine and the folks at CVS were snickering behind my back that I was purchasing old news. Oh well – it got me through lunch.

I used to read People magazine all the time and I’m not even ashamed to admit it. Maybe I should be, but it’s not like I was reading The National Enquirer. And, quite frankly, I’m not sure anyone would believe me if I said I regularly peruse Forbes or Fortune.

Nevertheless, it has been a while since I’ve read People. And my first question is: Who are all these people in People magazine? I mean, I thought I was sort of “up” on celebrity news and such, but I didn’t know two-thirds of these folks.

Every time I think I’m sort of a cool older chick, the reality that I’m just an older chick smacks me in the face.

And what kind of name is Leighton Meester anyway?

There was a cover story on new bride Carrie Underwood with a photo spread of her wedding. I do know who she is, even though I don’t watch American Idol. (I know, I know…99% of the free world watches the show. Evidently it’s a character flaw. What can I say?)

Mostly I remember hearing one of her songs on the radio, “Before He Cheats” where she does all sorts of larcenous damage to the car of her cheating soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend. I figured nobody would want to mess with this babe, let alone marry her.

Of course, it’s just a song. But hopefully her new husband has listened very carefully to the lyrics of “Before He Cheats.” I would even suggest he take some notes.

Anyway, being a relatively recent bride myself, I love getting a glimpse at other weddings. Celebrity weddings, in particular, are interesting because I am usually equal parts fascinated and horrified at their excesses. Even if I had the kind of money celebrities do, I can’t imagine blowing it on an event for one day. On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind testing that theory. Anyone have a coupla mil they wanna throw my way?!

But, for instance, Carrie Underwood wore a tiara with her Monique Lhuillier wedding gown. Naturally, she couldn’t wear just any old tiara, could she? Not with a designer wedding gown that probably cost more than my entire wedding! So her new husband, Mike Fisher, a not-bad-lookin’ professional Canadian hockey guy, who evidently has some big bucks himself, bought her a tiara with REAL diamonds. Like 40 carats worth.

Are you kidding me?? The tiara I wore for my wedding, in contrast, cost me about $15. There wasn’t even one tiny diamond chip in the thing! And still I felt a little guilty over spending that kind of money for something I would wear only once. Not that I didn’t love my little $15 tiara with its shiny silver metal and sparkly rhinestones. But unless one is dressing up for Halloween or is, like, 5, the only time a woman can get away with wearing a tiara is at her wedding. Well, okay, I guess there are a couple other legitimate reasons – like she’s a beauty pageant winner – or is actual royalty.

Nevertheless, if someone gave me a tiara with 40 carats of real diamonds, I don’t think I’d ever take the damn thing off. Which would look sort of silly when I gassed up at the local Speedway, or made a quick run into Kroger to pick up a bag of tortilla chips and some salsa.

So imagine my surprise when I turned the page in People magazine and saw another photo of little Carrie Underwood in a second Monique Lhuillier frock (which probably still cost more than my entire wedding!). This gown was short and sassy to allow the new Mrs. Carrie Fisher a chance to boogie down on the dance floor. And she was no longer wearing the tiara!!

Sheesh. Celebrities.

Oh well. I did manage a laugh over the fact that her married name is Carrie Fisher. Wonder if anyone is going to confuse her with Princess Leia? Nah. To the best of my recollection, Princess Leia didn’t wear a tiara.

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