Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Dear Mother Nature...

Hello, lady?? It’s almost April – what’s with the weather??

Okay, I can understand a day here and there on the cool side because you’re still changing into your spring bloomers, but come on. It’s 37 degrees out there and you’re spitting snowflakes, for crying out loud! Perhaps you forgot to flip your calendar? Again: It's. Almost. April!

All I can say is that you’d better clean up your act, ma’am, or I’m afraid we’ll have no choice but to let you go. With this economy and your one-directional focus, it may not be as easy to get another gig as you might think.

I don’t believe we’re being unreasonable here as we’re certainly not expecting you to roll out the balmy 70 degree temps and full-on bright blue skies. We’re patient. We have to be – we live in the Midwest. We can give you until, oh, let’s say, May 1st. (And that may well be pushing it given your recent performance.)

I have to admit that my impatience with your choices in temperature and precipitation may be due in part to my jumping the gun and taking my winter coat to the dry cleaners already in preparation of off-season storage. Thus, I have been forced to wear a thin raincoat for the past two days. And wearing a thin raincoat when I’m dodging snowflakes and gale-force winds does nothing for my mood. Neither does uncontrollable shivering.

Trust me, a little sunshine goes a long way toward improving dispositions around here, and I’d like to change mine to “sunny,” okay? (I’m sure Vince would appreciate that as well.)

Not only are my lips and cheeks chapping from the bitter wind, but I have to admit I’m feeling a little bitter myself. I mean, because of your actions, I’m hiding a perfectly good pedicure under heavy woolen socks! And I’d dearly love to ditch the snow boots as they are not in the least stylish or attractive.

Now we’re not completely insensitive, Mother Nature, and we do realize that you have a difficult job to do. You’re responsible for remembering which parts of the world are experiencing summer at the same time other areas of the world are in the middle of winter. Probably because of this, I’m able to enjoy pretty flowers (in photo) that can’t yet be grown in the frozen tundra that is currently Ohio. (And, thank you, Vince, for said lovely spring flowers.)

But, Ms. Nature? Can you please pony up and throw a little warmth our way? I, for one, would truly appreciate it.

Thank you,


Jane’s Domain

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