Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Egg Sandwiches and The Morning Commute

Normally when there’s a little sprinkle of rain, I get annoyed with drivers who drive 5MPH on the freeway. I mean, is it really necessary to take an hour and a half to drive 17 miles when there’s nothing but a soft gentle rain falling? Today, however, the rain came down in more biblical-like proportions. So how fast were drivers driving? Oh, about 60 miles an hour. Who can figure out Columbus drivers? I kept up, but could barely see the road ahead of me as veritable sheets of rain pummeled my windshield. And the windshield wipers were on the fastest setting. Sheesh. I hardly ever use the wipers on the fastest setting.

Oh well. At least I got to work on time. I had left home a few minutes early, just in case I was dealing with the 5 MPH-ers. Leaving a few minutes early doesn’t mean I responsibly set the alarm earlier. That would’ve required me to plan ahead and pay attention to the weather report last night. And I’ve spent many a sleepless night fretting over the predicted blizzard or monsoon, only to awaken to find the sun shining and birds chirping.

No, I got up at the same time I get up every morning (which means somewhat late), raced downstairs, hugged and kissed Vince who, on the fly, hooked my lunch bag over one arm, pressed my travel coffee mug in one hand and handed me my breakfast sandwich and roll of paper towels (sometimes I’m messy) in the other. I already had my luggage-sized purse over my shoulder as I’m responsible for grabbing my own luggage-sized purses.

My husband takes wonderful care of me, doesn’t he?!

Eating breakfast in the car, however, is not necessarily a good thing to do, particularly if your car has bucket seats. I can’t tell you how many times my egg sandwich has landed upside down on the floor, rendering it inedible. I also don’t recommend eating egg sandwiches without a bib as it is possible to arrive at work with half said breakfast sandwich down the front of one’s shirt. Unless you happen to like that sort of look.

I’m not comfortable multi-tasking while driving, so I only take bites when I’m stopped at a traffic light. Depending on the mood of the traffic lights that day, I may either happily finish my entire breakfast, or may barely make a dent in it. And cold egg sandwiches are not particularly appetizing, so on those mornings, I end up pretty hungry by lunchtime.

Anyway, the point is, I’m a responsible driver. You may say that being a responsible driver means eating your breakfast sandwiches at home at the dining room table. With a cloth napkin in your lap to politely dab at your lips whenever an errant piece of egg threatens to mar one’s politeness. Okay, so you’ve got me there.

Have I mentioned before that I’m not a morning person?

On the other hand, if I had to put a number on it, I would have to say that we do eat breakfast at the dining room table about…(hmmm…carry the 1…grumble, grumble…where’s my calculator when I need it…?)…

90 percent of the time. That’s not a bad percentage, is it?

One of these years I might even manage to get up early enough on a daily basis to hit 100%. Wouldn’t that be nice? I could eat a leisurely breakfast, read the newspaper and maybe even balance my checkbook before calmly gathering my belongings and heading off for…

Yeah, you know when that’ll happen? No, I wasn’t actually thinking of things freezing over. I figure it’ll happen when I’m retired and don’t have to race off to work in the morning!

I give myself points for at least being dressed by the time I turn the ignition key. That’s not to say that I’ve never, say, applied lipstick on the drive to work, but, again, I usually wait for a red light. I don’t think anyone driving in the lane next to me is going to be impressed that my lipliner is saucily matching my lipstick on any particular day and I can wait to apply lip products once I arrive at my destination.

So imagine my surprise when I really did see a guy in the vehicle next to me with an electric shaver in one hand and the wheel in the other, which was also holding his cell phone. I thought that whole men shaving on their morning commute thing was a myth. But, no. I worried that he’d start dialing his cell phone, which pretty much meant he’d have to steer with his knees, so I quickly changed lanes to get far enough away from him that I wouldn’t be near any ensuing pile-up.

At least people shouldn’t be texting while driving around this city anymore what with the ban on texting while driving. Oh, I’m sure there will still be people trying to do it. But at least there is the possibility that they will be caught. And, for that, I’m grateful.

Just let me know if you hear of any plans in the works to ban eating egg sandwiches at red lights, will ya? I’ll need to practice setting my alarm earlier. And I may actually need to pay attention to the weather reports.

Dang. Being a responsible driver is a lot tougher than it looks!

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